My Pregnancy & The Birth Story of Lennox Sol
I will start with a little back story on my pregnancy and thought process. I debated what approach I wanted to take for pregnancy and birth support until I was 14 weeks pregnant, and even when I decided remembering that at any point in time I could change the “plan” if I felt called to do so. But 14 weeks is whenever I spoke aloud that I would birth freely, 100% in my own autonomy in the comfort of my home with my husband and a dear sister as my birth keeper. I decided I would navigate pregnancy wildly, listening to my body and utilizing trusted resources to care for my body deeply throughout the days to come. I decided I would be taking full responsibility.
At 20 weeks I saw a midwife in the community to ease my wandering thoughts regarding the typical 20-week scan and testing and felt much more at ease. While i opted out of any testing the option was available and i was in the drivers seat navigating and choosing on my own terms. Truly, the emotional support and reassurance, along with a nutrition based pep talk brought me great relief, though, over the next seven weeks i still had a yearning for something a little more. At 27 weeks I went and had an ultrasound. My heart needed to see my baby and it felt so nice! I had no testing at the ultrasound, no measuring of fluid, and no fear mongering around the size of my baby- my husband and i just simply watched as our little one navigated the womb.
Let me note- until about a year prior to my pregnancy i had never heard of “free birth”. There is quite a bit of dogma around the mainstreams of wild pregnancy and free birth… i chose to opt out of that system as well. The principle of my approach and emotional battle of my pregnancy had a lot to do with (i realize typing this 7 months postpartum) the “people pleasing follow the rules good girl” engrained in me. I decided it was time to break up with her and chose this new version of myself which has catapulted me into being a much more confident and care free mother… However, I still read the books! I listened to so many podcasts, watched birth videos online, sat in circle with other women at village prenatals and attended prenatal yoga classes to prepare. I hounded my husband wanting him to be prepared as well. I still worried at times throughout my pregnancy (typically at times when the system requires an “important” check or test to be conducted). Was I making the right choice? was my baby safe? are we healthy? All fears i danced with regularly after all, I am still a human being!! The shift being that I turned more often to sitting with my baby and listening to my body for the answers or talking with other like minded women. Oh how important community is- i cannot stress it enough.
Ultimately and having seen it play out with other women as well, as much as I wanted to plan and prepare for birth I knew deep down that whatever I needed to experience to transition to motherhood, is at the end of the day, how my birth would unfold. I’m still piecing together little nuances.
Based on conception (i know my exact date), my estimated due date was December 9th. I rarely told anyone this date in order to protect my pregnancy and birth space, as I was prepared to birth upwards of 42 weeks with this being my first pregnancy.
At 39 weeks pregnant my waters opened after using the bathroom at 6am. I could feel my baby lower in my pelvis, and had been advised around 37 weeks by both my chiro and pelvic floor pt that baby seemed to be engaged. This was it, I thought, my water opened (not how my birth vision indicated labor to begin) and I would have a baby within 48 hours because that is what we know.
Going back to believing we receive what we need from pregnancy and birth to traverse motherhood… at 39 weeks my husband and I were stressed and having minimal opportunities for connection, but this was it… we would soon be parents. After 48 hours passed and there were no signs of labor progressing we were only on the timeline of our baby. Our evenings became slow and allowed us time to be together. HELLO OXYTOCIN BOOSTS!
To this day I know that time was a gift from our sweet son; a wake up call to put our pride aside and level up for parenthood.
The first week passed and no signs prevailed. My mind wandered. I connected with several wise women in the birth community seeking guidance and was met with reassurance that this is very well a variation of normal. They advised ways to continue monitoring safety and to take care of my own mental health reminding me to continue allowing baby to navigate their journey earth side.
Throughout week 39 and 40 my waters continued to flow… I never knew there could be so much amniotic fluid! By 40+6 I was feeling pretty emotional and really anxious to meet my baby. I took the day to spend time with two of my best friends and take my mind off of things. My entire pregnancy I was SURE I would give birth either Friday the 13th or on the last full moon of the year, December 15th.
After a day out and about I came home and fell asleep on the couch. Around 11pm I woke up to get in bed and felt what I thought was a belly ache. At 1 a.m. I tossed and turned feeling the ache. By 2:15 a.m. I was wide awake and immediately knew I was in the early parts of my labor and made myself get up to eat a snack... just in time to catch the full illumination of the moon at 3:05 a.m. I stood outside under the moonlight, breathing in the crisp winter air, and invited my baby to come home.
I waddled to the bathroom where i had my birth alter arranged, put in my headphones, pressed play on my birth playlist and began to move my body. Sensations were slow to start allowing me time to find my groove and mentally tap in. Four o’clock came and I ran a bath, continuing to listen to the call to go deeper. I spent a lot of time in my bathtub in pregnancy visualizing my birth and laboring in this space, so it was only natural i return there when it all began.
Just before five I text my birth keeper letting her know things were slowly moving along. By 5:30a.m. I noticed another shift and we decided it was best she make her way to me. I woke my husband. I was ready to be witnessed and supported.
Sensations continued. From 6:30 a.m to 8 a.m my body language and verbal cues signaled to my husband we were headed in the direction of meeting our baby sooner than later. Beside our bed I labored. When my bk arrived she suggested moving into the shower with my birth ball. My how the water helped me! They do say it is nature’s epidural!
I was in my labor dance, twirling with my little one and working together as a team. This is what I envisioned when I pictured my birth. I never locked down where I would birth, but that what mattered most was staying in connection with my womb.
After my time in the shower I was in need of rest. As I work my way to lay in bed I get a whiff of something horrid… my husband was preparing breakfast (so thoughtfully) and it was BACON!!! I gagged. A thoughtful gesture however we now know we do not cook bacon during labor… a very laughable moment in hindsight!
As I’m lying in bed my body completely starts to take over. I receive periods of rest where I am able to doze off to then be awoken by my baby strongly working their way through my pelvis. It feels like I have no control over my body, going back and forth from tapping into my breath and moaning deeply affirming myself it is temporary and I would soon be meeting my baby to guttural and visceral sounds beyond my control. My birth keeper and husband held space and also provided physical comforts.
After side-lying on both sides and enjoying the rest I had an immediate urge to stand and strong desire to get into the birth pool. I squat next to my bed and felt between my legs… I could feel the top of my baby’s head emerging!
At 10:45 a.m I made my way to the pool in my living room. INSTANT RELIEF. So warm and comforting to my body like a big bear hug. The entire time my birth playlist played from my bathroom. I could faintly hear the music as I experienced a few contractions in the pool. The room was full of natural light which energized me. And, i still wore an eye while transitioning to such a bright space from my little cocoon.
A part of me was waiting for someone to tell me to push. My mind being so indoctrinated to that being the necessary protocol at this point in birth. I spoke the desire to push, and it was reflected back to me that i was the authority and if that felt right to follow the sensations and not resist. I could not get grounded in the pool on my back and rotated to hands and knees. After 3 or 4 pushes I knew the next one would be when my baby was born. I felt the burning in my yoni, the “ring of fire”… “this is what they talk about,” i said, with excitement knowing i was about to meet my baby!
The next surge came. I pushed. My baby’s head was born! What an indescribable feeling to have the head of your baby emerged under water, between two worlds, for what felt like eternity. In reality it was likely around 1-2 minutes. And with one final push my baby was born at 11:16 a.m.
BUT IT ISN’T OVER. Birth includes the placenta and I held my baby, quietly welcoming him home while inviting the first mother to emerge. I birthed the placenta in the pool about 15 minutes after my baby.
My birth was straight forward. It unfolded how undisturbed birth will. Just another day bringing life earth side. Trusting my innate ability to do so and leaning in to the wisdom of those before me.
It is my first several hours postpartum that presented an unexpected variation of how birth can end.
After the placental birth, i stayed in the pool a bit longer and then we transitioned to bed as a family. After about an hour my husband began assisting with the pool clean up and my birth keeper was making food in my kitchen. I was hungry, had the desire to rinse off in the shower, and my birth keeper reminded me i needed to release my bladder. She assisted me to get out of bed… as i slowly start to sit up and stand I passed out back on to the bed. After I sat back up I took my time trying to stand again. It was at that time I lost a few blood clots and fell to the floor, passed out again.
My birth keeper and husband began to tend to me, my son safely in our bed and me unconscious on the floor. I came to over hearing a call with emergency services that they were in route. I 100% believe when medical help is needed we invite it. After establishing it was probably a combination of the blood loss and transition my body had experienced, and that all of my vitals were normal and i was stable, I transferred to our local hospital to have blood work done.
My husband and son met me there. my levels were on the lower side and I decided to stay over night to ensure all was well. Fortunately the medical staff and doctor were very welcoming and respectful of me and my decisions. I opted out of repairing my tear, accepted IV fluids, We discussed options for care, none of which were emergent such as a potential transfusion.
From a medical and anatomical standpoint we concluded my bladder being full was likely the culprit and preventing my uterus to clamp down completely. I requested a catheter. Within an hour there was a huge shift and things settled down.
The nursing staff accommodated everything I requested to be as comfortable as possible with my new baby. My birth keeper brought me nourishing foods to fuel my body and after getting some solid rest we discharged the next morning.
In processing my pregnancy and birth I have some take aways:
Waters can safely be open for weeks
I don’t need my choices to fit into anyone else’s narrative
Birth is driven mentally and emotionally- my body will guide me to do what it needs to do to birth a baby. While i do strongly believe this i also believe movement matters and that is part of the mental and emotional attunement
My immediate postpartum circumstance could happen anywhere birth happens
I had not eaten anything substantial and was likely depleted and experiencing shock- eating is important in labor and hard to bring yourself to do
My immediate postpartum highlighted emotionally untended dynamics in our family that have provided the opportunity for expansion for my husband and I
I missed some important bonding time with my son and will continue to grieve that
I do truly trust my body to heal itself with the proper support
Pregnancy and birth connected me to my body more deeply than ever before
I wouldn’t change a thing about my story
